Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's top entertainers spent their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

The focus was the controversial program that enables foreign individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"One note here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.